Forgive Yourself!

Have you ever made a mistake that you wished you were able to erase?  Wish you would have finished school?  Wish you would have moved away from your hometown?  Wish you would have taken the job?  Wish you wouldn’t have let fear paralyze you from going after your dreams?  Forgiveness of others is sometimes difficult but forgiveness of self can be downright impossible!  I’m not talking about forgiveness for making a wrong turn, or showing up somewhere late, but forgiveness for something that has altered your life drastically!

Once you pass a certain age you may begin to play a game of “what if’s.”  This particular game may take you down memory lane and get you upset about the way your life has gone.  The “what if” game USUALLY gets you down and makes you live in the past and cause you to have resentment toward yourself.  Resentment breeds unforgiveness.  Even though we’ve “dealt with” our lives not going the way we wanted it to go, deep down we still think “what if?” 

Today, I want you to stop playing the “what if” game and live in the moment.  If your life was different, everything would be different…and not necessarily in a good way.  Forgive yourself for whatever mistake you made and don’t make the same mistake again…even if you’ve made the mistake more than once.  Accept that life will throw you curve balls and mistakes will happen.  However, the sooner you are able to forgive yourself and move on, the less impact that mistake will have on your life.

Until next time…Take Care Of Yourself!

"No" Is a Complete Sentence

'NO' Is A Complete Sentence

Can you bring a cake to the meeting?  Can you take me home after [enter the event name]?  Can you stay late to work on this project for me?  Can you put some money in for [enter name]’s present?  Everyone has been asked one of these questions at least once in their lifetime.  The fact is, most of us are asked these questions several times per month.  When the request is without ulterior motives, we feel bad about saying no…so against our better judgment we tend to say yes. Next thing you know you are going the opposite direction of your house to drop someone off, dipping into your vacation money to contribute to someone’s present or even canceling on a friend to help out at work. 

When we become “yes” (wo)men to other people’s requests, we tend to say no to ourselves.  Going into your vacation money to contribute towards a present is saying to yourself “the much needed vacation I’ve planned for is less important than someone’s birthday.”  Cancelling on a friend is saying “work is more important than nurturing my friendship.”  The world teaches us that not helping someone, when you have the resources to help them, means you are selfish.  I would beg to differ.  Telling someone “no” doesn’t mean that you care about them less, it means that you are caring about yourself enough to take care of yourself first.  Let’s be honest, you can’t take care of someone else unless you’ve first taken care of yourself. 

Ever flown on a plane?  During the pre-flight demonstration they always tell you to place your oxygen mask on first BEFORE helping others.  Why?  Because should there be an emergency, by the time you’ve helped someone else, you may not know how (or be able) to help yourself.  If you take care of others before taking care of yourself you may be too burned out to take care of yourself.  There is a quote I absolutely love that says “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”  You can’t give, serve and help the way you want to if you haven’t taken care of yourself first.

So this week, make it a point to reinsert the word “no” into your vocabulary.  One last thing, “No” is a complete sentence and reasons for the “no” aren’t required. J

Until next time: Take care of yourself by resubmitting “no” into your vocabulary. 

Self-Care Isn't Selfish!

There is one piece of advice that older people tend to give younger people: “make sure you take care of yourself.”  Most of the times this kind of advice is brushed off by younger people, but today is the day I want you to really take that saying to heart.  There are three main reasons to make “taking care of yourself” a priority.

1) Self-care prevents “burnouts” – The world today calls for most people to be involved in several different things at the same time: a full time job & a part time job, family & church, family & career, PTA & community associations among other things.  When you don’t have a consistent self-care routine you will get burned out…FAST!  It’s hard to be and stay productive in multiple demanding activities if you don’t take a moment to care for yourself.  

2) Self-care makes you more effective –Ever feel like you have used every ounce of energy, brain power and/or physical power you had?  How many times you’ve felt like you were running on fumes?  Newsflash! When you are running on fumes you cannot be effective in anything you do.  It means you are giving the last, ineffective try you have.  The question that is usually asked is that after you’ve given your last, how and when will you be filled back up?  That’s where self-care comes in.

3) Self-care strengthen relationships – Ever do something small (like being 3 mins late for lunch) and someone get sooooo mad at you that you are left confused and frustrated?  When you do not “take care of yourself” you tend to take it out on everyone around you which in turn weakens relationships.  If you are stressed about your own situation, how can you help a spouse, child or friend with their situation?  Once you learn how to take time to care for yourself you may find that your relationships will be easier.

The truth of the matter is that when you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else!  Although only three reasons were highlighted, there is a lot of research that highlights importance of self-care.  You are urged to get a calendar or planner to assist you with planning one thing to do for self-care each day.  This can be as small as cuddling with a pet for 5 mins or as big as scheduling a monthly massage.  Self-care does not have to be this grand gesture but something to help you be the best person you can be.  And guess what?!?! Every week you will receive a short newsletter highlighting tips to add onto your self-care list…how easy is THAT?!?!?!  Don’t’ forget to add Shrink Me Not on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter

Until next week: Self-care isn’t selfish!